Last night I did something that's felt practically illegal for my entire childhood... I went to central park after dark. From the entrance I saw an illuminated pathway lined with dog walkers... a old woman in a floor-length jean skirt let her fat beagle off it's leash, and watched it stumble through the trees.

I headed towards the swing sets in some clearing off to the side. My swing creaked extremely loudly, so I cranked up the volume on my ipod and watched people look at me as they walked on the main road. The amount of distance between us made this really creepy, cause I saw their eyes but not their facial expressions...

As the night went on, crossers of that road came less and less frequently... and eventually they stopped. Far off in the distance I saw a woman on a bench, and gave her the role of my indicator. If she goes, I'll go.

I dunno how much time passed, and I don't know how to build this up at all... suddenly I was almost positive I saw a naked man walking down the road. It took me 30 seconds of terror before my mind snapped back... YES this was DEFINITELY a naked man. A fat, middle-aged white guy with no clothes on. The first thing I did was stop my swing from creaking, cause in my flipped out mind that was like the mating call for streakers. As soon and I put my foot down, I heard the tingling of chains to my left... somebody was joining me on the swings. I turned, ready to defend myself, and saw some girl from high school with two other girls I didn't know. This was a girl I hadn't thought about once since leaving school, but I've never been happier to see anyone in my life.

The 4 of us now watched Naked Man as he tried to hide from the headlights of two police cars. It became kinda funny... and on some level we were rooting for him... but I didn't really forgive him for creeping me out. He was carrying his clothes in one arm as he ran. Finally, about 40 feet away from us, the police had him cornered. Six or so cops got out, and I'm assuming they ordered him to get down... cause the naked guy immediately lied flat on his back. One cop yelled "Put your clothes on now, sir!" but the man refused to move. The insane thing was that other than us, there was nobody else around to witness this... it made me wonder how often these kinds of things happen.

For the next 10 minutes, very little happened. The three girls I was with decided to move on, and I went the opposite way towards home. I stopped for a moment and continued to watch the scene... the naked guy had put his pants on, taken them off again, and started doing backward rolls towards the trees. After one cop threatened to spray him with pepper spray, I left for good.

On my way out, though, I saw my indicator girl still sitting on the bench... laughing hysterically on her cellphone and saying "It's like nothing I've EVER seen!"






Oh my god...


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